now 3

Right now I feel like dredging up the past. Every six months of so something akin to the following rattles through my head as I try to fall asleep and then I work through it and move on. Or not. I don't know. I suppose distance helps but its' not going away. This is not the rationalized, balanced version of anything. This is the dark, raw emotion that doesn't seem to fade.

Dear miserable midwife,
You are a self-absorbed narcissist who likes to hear yourself talk. You are a miserable care provider and after having a difficult first birth during which I didn't feel supported or taken care of by you, God only knows why I solicited your help a second time. I suppose a known quantity seemed less daunting than the unknown. Besides I thought I knew what I had in store and could make the changes I wanted. Instead my health declined throughout the pregnancy and you added a huge degree of stress to my life. You are more judgmental and disconnected from the people right in front of you than you will ever know. When you finally made false statements to the Dr. in the hospital to make you sound knowledgeable (which you later denied outright when I confronted you) you destroyed my hope of anything even close to the birth I wanted and needed. Abandoning me after chipperly discussing her perfectly progressing home birth with another client in my hospital room for 5 minutes should have been the last straw but I figure that came a few days later when you told me how complicated my birth was and that you should have been paid more for it when you weren't even fucking there. This is after I paid your full fee and still faced HUGE hospital bills just days after major surgery and trauma. You have huge balls, that I can say for you. Why I didn't scream and tell you to fuck off in that moment is beyond me (and Jason). Politeness can be a liability. You over-committed and took on too much. You failed me. I have since run into several women in town who are all too happy to recount tales of terrible births under you care and a former colleague of yours told me she thought you went crazy. If only I had known sooner.

Dear despicable doctor,
You have absolutely the worst bedside manner I can possibly imagine. You may be a knowledgeable doctor but your interpersonal skills and lack of empathy are so horrendous it would be comical if not so traumatizing. Likening a birthing woman's labor to a "dead horse" is unforgivable. You withheld information to cover your ass and gave me no credit whatsoever for having any knowledge about what was going on with my own body. I believe you actually don't trust women at all and can't imagine why you are in this line of work. My skin crawls to think of being in the same room as you. I'm sure you think I should be thankful that my daughter I are alive and fine thanks to your all-but-forced surgery. Sadly, you have no clue the affect you have on women's lives every day and how your decisions and communication change the course of our histories.

This may not stay up. Hell, I may not even publish it. It feels like the kind of thing I should print out and burn in a ceremony but maybe putting it on the internet is sort of the same thing these days. Updated to note that I removed the names and feel much better about it. I'm not delusional and I have a ton of perspective on the issue, nonetheless I think this was as cathartic as I hoped it would be.

mia

There is so much back story here I am feeling overwhelmed trying to sort out what is and isn’t worth writing about. But, for now, I will stick to the most important part of the story in an attempt to get back to writing here. Without further delay, I introduce Mia Lauren. Born 4/19/07 at 8:00am sharp, weighing in at 7 lbs. 5 oz. and measuring 21 in. Here she is just a few days old.



I love this girl more than I could have every imagined and we are getting used to life as a family of four. Jason has been home taking care of me for a month through bed rest and a crazy birth and the aftermath. He is still off work so things seem pretty manageable. Hopefully I can get in some writing in the next week or so before he goes back to work. When that happens I fear I may never have a moment to myself again.

anchovies, a kind of fish

Either Henry will stop at nothing to prove he’s right or he’s just my kid. Wait, maybe those are one in the same. Tonight he pulled a tin of anchovies out of the pantry and asked what they were. We told him they were a kind of little fish, anchovies. He then insisted that he wanted to eat them. We told him many things to try to convince him that he wouldn’t like them and they weren’t good to eat plan but he insisted that, no, he liked them. There was lots of smiling and head nodding and “oh, yes, I like them. Yep, I do. I like to eat them.” So, I figured I could make a dressing and let him try one. I kind of (not so) secretly like the horrified face he makes when he eats something he thinks is gross anyway. The can was opened and we put one on a little plate and gave him a bite. And he just continued with “I like them. I like to eat little fish. Yummy.” and ate an anchovy in three bites. No bad faces but neither did he ask for another one. Jason just said, “your kid.” So, either he’s like me in that he likes anchovies or like both of us in that he really likes to be right. Although I might be somewhat proud and frightened by such an early display of a will of steel, truth be told, I think it’s the former. When he doesn’t like the taste or smell of something he let’s us know right away and repeatedly. I actually expected him to take one look at the open can and refuse to try it. Then again, we was pretty damn smug about the whole thing. Maybe he’s getting craftier than I think. I suppose only time will tell.

On the baby front, things are fine and dandy for the most part. I’m tired and have a bit of a cold at the moment but the baby is head down and things all appear to be normal. My blood pressure is threatening to be an issue but so far it’s barely in check. I swear that if I could just get adequate rest I would be fine. Work is winding down and hopefully the worst is behind me. I am taking it easy for sure but at the same time I’m not feeling ready to have this baby yet- emotionally, physically or actual preparedness of the house, etc. Having the baby at home adds to the feeling of not being ready around here so it’s time to take action in as calm a manner as possible. More on that soon (but not too soon I hope). I miss writing and reading blogs and can only figure that I’ll get back to it as things settle in a new way on the home front. For now, I will continue to plod along.

C is for crazy

I didn’t plan to take such an extended break but I never intent to take a break I guess. Days just pass and all of the things that seemed vaguely interesting in the moment fade and are reduced to one-line summaries of little interest or significance in my mind. I can say that the last few weeks or so haven’t been the best. I know I’ve started all recent posts with some general statement about the suckatude of work but it has gotten really bad lately, or, more likely, my ability to deal with it is pretty much nonexistent. I have to call Jason or my parents at least once a day and have them talk me down so I don’t call my boss and tell him to fuck off. Every project I have to complete is dragging on with more and more unexpected glitches. I have all day board meeting on Friday and Saturday that I am just dreading but when they are done I am stepping way back. The project I am working on at the moment, a narrated presentation on CD, is fraught with technical problems and annoyances that make me want to throw my computer out the window. I think I’m close to the end though. I really hope so. My trainee, who still ahs a long way to go, was selected for grand jury duty that lasts 28 days (mornings only, thank god), which is putting an additional strain on already limited resources and my sanity.

In completely different news, there was an unexpected and really unpleasant death in Jason’s family last week. I don’t feel like I should go into it and after a week of feeling overwhelmed by it I am ready not to dwell anymore. When I realized that I was coming down with a version of the stomach flu that Henry had the previous week, I was actually somewhat relieved to have a physical explanation for how crappy I was feeling. I seriously thought I was losing all perspective and ability to cope for a few days last week. Things really are much better except for work. The sun is out and life should be just swimming along.

Speaking of swimming, I started pregnant lady water aerobics a few weeks ago and am enjoying that. Unfortunately the
one bitchy lady from yoga also is in the class. Of all the possible pregnant women in Portland at the moment I am sad to have to look at her face 3 nights a week. I did discover that little miss I’m as pregnant as you and look how skinny I am is actually 2 full months behind me. Stupid and bitchy I guess.

I guess we’re really having a baby. Yesterday morning Jason sat up in bed and said, “how about Audrey?” I have no idea how I feel about the name but the fact is that he’s now in the game. The same thing happened with Henry. Jason didn’t have a lot to say about my name suggestions and had none of his own until a month or so out and he ended up picking Henry’s middle name (originally to be the first). Silly maybe, but it made things feel all the more real for me. In other random baby news, the little bugger flipped over (head up now) a few weeks ago and I have been feeling less comfortable since. The midwife has given me until next week to will her back to head down (through rest and relaxation primarily) before she takes matters into her own hands. I feel like it would all be a lot easier if I could get out from under the work crap but we’ll see. Maybe acupuncture this week will help out. In any case, I think it will ultimately work out fine.

Excepting the week of flu that included vomiting, diarrhea, fever, lethargy, grumpiness and way too much tv, Henry ahs been pretty awesome lately. He is so fun and curious and cute. I really want to spend more time with him and am working on making that happen within the next two weeks. There are days lately that I see him as he’s getting up with Jason and not again until he’s in bed and that just doesn’t work for either of us.

Since this is going nowhere in particular with any speed I think I will get back to work so I can take a nap and then get out with my sweet kidd-o in the sunshine. At least I broke the dry spell and hope to be back to some more regular (and coherent) posting in the near future.

for the record

Work is making me nuts and I am trying to figure how to get done and out of there ASAP.

The baby countdown is now at 10 weeks. It feels so near and yet so far.

I have been assuming that Henry will stay with my parents while the new baby is being born. Jason and I finally talked about it last night and he is less convinced. He brought up the point that it will be strange for Henry to come home to a baby and not know how it got here 9 (although he knows as much about this new baby sister as I could expect a 2.5 year old to). I still think 2.5-3 is too young and that it would be hard for all of us (himself for the most part) to have him here during the labor and birth. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to bend on this one.

Up until recently Henry just yelled and repeated himself when he wanted something. Such as, “go outside. Go outside. Go outside” ad infinitum. Now he WANTS and NEEDS things. Such as this evening when he NEEDED my nail file. “I need it. I need it. I need it” ad infinitum. (I do know how fucked up that punctuation is but I can’t be bothered at the moment. How’s that for lazy.) A somewhat subtle difference but I am so happy to have him talking in real sentences with pronouns that I can forgive the repetition for now. In that vein, he was hiding between pillows on our bed the other day and I said something about how he was hiding. He poked his head out and said, “yep. I’m hider man.”

A few days ago while walking down the street, a woman said. “oooooohhh. You’re so big. You’re having a big baby.” I said, “I hope not” and kept walking.

It’s 8:00pm and I am seriously considering getting myself off to bed shortly. It has just been that kind of day.

i guess it goes both ways

In the unsolicited pregnancy comment category, I had a completely different surprise question yesterday. At the grocery store I asked for some help finding polenta. I wouldn’t have thought course ground cornmeal would be so elusive. So, as we were looking, the young woman helping me asked if I was pregnant. I was wearing my old blue wool coat (non-maternity) that barely buttons across my front so I probably did look rather generic blob like. It went something like this.
her: are you pregnant?
me: oh, yes.
her: nice. I thought you just had a really strange body shape.
me: nope.

And yet another little Henry anecdote before I get back to the work that is dragging me down tonight. As I was putting him down in bed and saying goodnight...
Me: I love you. Night night.
H: Yippie-i-o.
Me: (laughing) Good night yippie-i-o boy.
H: Good night e-i e-i-o yippie-i-o mommy.

Contrary to evidence I have been sharing with you, Henry has had minimal exposure to, and little interest in, anything cowboy. He just seems to be taken with the lingo. I guess I can’t blame him.

knock, knock

It seems like it was only a matter of hours after I wrote my last post, in which I pretty much said I’d rather be up all night taking care of a kid than my bladder, that Henry decided to put that bullshit theory to the test. It was just one of his usual snotty, coughing colds but sleep has been sucking mightily this week. I am sort fog catching up on sleep but I have been in a fog all week. Jason had to do so work so thankfully he was able to take Henry to my mom’s for a few hours this morning so I can get some freelance web work out of the way. I have been putting it off forever and finally got a deadline from my client. I am still not interested in doing it but I hate having things hanging over my head so this is for the best. I also got a serious draft of my biggest project done at work this week so I am beginning to see a small, faraway light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh yeah, random but since I mentioned it before, I am off wheat, which is a huge pain but I am feeling much better so it’s definitely worth it. We’ll just see if this continues to be an issue with the kid while breastfeeding and beyond for me. Probably wouldn’t be such a bad thing but, oy the inconvenience!

Henry has discovered the knock knock joke. He’s still a little young to really get it the whole structure completely but he loves saying either part, particularly if it includes “bannana who?” He has tried to make up a few himself, one of which includes a chicken bone. Kids (or is it just mine?) are so fucking weird. On one hand he’s just repeating what he has heard and trying to make people laugh. This is completely expected but the part I love is that I will find him muttering the lines of the joke to himself and cracking up. And I mean really cracking up like he is being tickled and can’t catch his breath. He’ll be all red-cheeked from laughing and say “who’s there? Orange, mama! So funny.” and roll his eyes and laugh some more. It’s pretty much the best thing ever.

I have gotten some polite cues from friends that they are sick of hearing me mention/bitch about how big my belly is and how one or two random people have commented about it. Fair enough. But, without the bitching and moaning and can you believe what that person/bitch said I will continue to document the unsolicited comments here. Just for the record and because I simply can’t let it go altogether. So, perhaps this will be the last but that’s not a bet I would be willing to take. Earlier in the week, while waiting to order at a Mexican restaurant, a couple of women engaged me in pleasantries about how cute Henry was being and how old he was, etc. one of them then asked if he knew about the baby. Yes. Then she asked if I was there to eat spicy food to get the baby to “come now.” I said, “No, I’m not even close.” They both said with wide eyes, “Really! How far are you?” I said, “six months.” Then came my favorite, “is it twins?” Nope. That was close to it and Henry and I quickly moved away to sit as fast as I could. Hmm, not ending with my commentary on that is harder than I thought but I will refrain.

bits and pieces

I just don’t have the will to post lately. Life is moving along just fine but I often find myself wishing that the winter would move by a little quicker and that the countdown to baby were a little shorter. All in due time I suppose but I am looking forward to better sleep (I know, ha ha, but I actually prefer bleary baby feeding waking to peeing 7 times a night and fucked up dreams) and less food restrictions. I either have a bladder infection (will know in a few days) or yet another food is causing irritation and I can’t figure out what it is. If it’s wheat (suspected) I am going top be very sad but I suppose anything is better than the current discomfort. Too much information, I know. Just be thankful I’m not sharing any number of other pregnancy grievances with you. On the plus side in that department, the baby is insanely active and seems to be in a position (head down and really super low) that the midwife is thrilled with.

Work if fine but I still have three fairly major projects/products to complete in the next couple of months in addition to the daily crap and I am running out of steam. I just cut back my in office hours, which is an improvement personally but I am napping and screwing around in the afternoons instead of working so the projects are not getting any closer to completion anytime fast.

This morning Henry woke up early and sort of grumpy and Jason got up with him so I could sleep in a bit. Instead of sleeping I ended up overhearing an hour of foreshadowing of what their interaction during Henry’s preteen years it could be like. It wouldn’t be fair to say any more except, oh god, no thanks, hell no, no way.

Aside from a few minor issues Henry is great lately. Today he and I went on a walk, during which he was very quiet. At one point I said, “it sure is cold out here isn’t it?” To which he replied, “hey mommy. He haw. Yippie yay!” He’s taken to apologizing when he’s mistaken about something lately and I find it hilarious. He pointed out an “eagle bird” today and I mentioned (not really correcting him as much as neutrally observing) that it looked like it might be a seagull. To which he typically replied, “oh, yeah. Sorry mommy. Seagull! Ha!” He also praised me three times with, “oh. terrific, mommy!” when I counted spoons as he requested, bounced a yo yo like toy as he directed, and then when I served him his dinner. This kid cracks be up beyond belief.

if you don't have anything nice to say

I’m thinking I haven’t had a bitchy pregnant lady rant for awhile so here goes. I really wish people would stop remarking about how goddamned huge I am. I am definitely bigger at 6 months (almost) than I was the first time and I appreciate my friends who have been through multiple pregnancies commiserating. I just can’t believe how free random people feel to make remarks. At the beginning of a prenatal yoga class the other night a woman made a point to come up to me after she apparently heard me tell someone (the instructor actually, who is also a friend I haven’t seen in months) I was almost 6 month along. She was so shocked and had to verify because she is also almost 6 months pregnant. She was skinny and didn’t even look pregnant, for the record. She then had the nerve to say oh my god how crazy am I going to get that big?! I wish I had said yep, next week, or something to that effect. What the fuck kind of question is that and why do I even care? Probably because Henry has been sick and I haven't been sleeping much and the world if full of rude bitches. Also, I am working too much and just realizing that I really don’t have much time to cut back my workload and get the breathing room I want in the next few months before life changes completely. Again.

The only positive thing I can think to say is that Jason recovered the majority of the photo files, and although Christmas is so 2006, I will post some of them tonight. If I’m not working or sleeping or sitting on my ass out of reach of my computer, that is.

2007 it is

I am learning that when I take a break from posting (intentionally or unintentionally) it is really hard for me to get back into it. I keep thinking of things to write but I just don’t do it. So, here’s to breaking the dry spell and getting back to some regular writing. The other issue I am having is that I am spending most of my days in the office in front of my computer and when I get home I am so tired and worn out from it all that I don’t even take my laptop out of my bag many nights. I’ve just committed to some more freelance work though, so I am going to need to get back to it and I’ll need some nighttime procrastination tools, of course, so back to blogging it is.

Christmas was pretty low key and pleasant enough. Henry had a great time and actually didn’t end up with too much new crap. Jason build him a very nice train table that he loves. The only down side is that it takes up about a quarter of the floor space in our living room. It’s worth the entertainment it gives him and keep the trains that were previously on the floor much better contained. I took a few days off work and so did Jason to finish up the new bedroom floor. It looks great and things are finally all finished and cleaned up.

Work is productive and ok but I am back to getting very tired by the end of the day and I am trying to figure out how to cut back. I am not ready to give up the money though so we’ll see how it plays out. I am sick of the cold and the gloom and don’t feel like leaving the house when I don’t have to. The only real downside is missing more trips to the gym than I should. Unfortunately, I think regular exercise is a necessity for by body to handle this pregnancy so the current slacking really isn't going to be an option for long. I just wish every other jackass in the city wasn’t crowding in at the same time I am trying to. The pregnancy is going fine otherwise and this girl kicks like crazy. It is such a reassuring thing but some days she tiring me and my insides out.

So, the silence is broken and I’m not sure it was really worth it but for the exercise. How about some pictures to go with the random ramble?

Well, screw that plan. I tried to download the last 3-weeks worth of photos (Christmas, the floor project, etc.) and apparently they are all corrupt. Jason is working on it but it doesn’t look promising at all. Damn it.

balance restored

I have a bunch of things to wrap and package and label and our house is chaos since we redistributed all of the bedroom furniture tonight to prepare for new flooring installation tomorrow (I’m sure I’ll have updates on that adventure soon. We are nuts.) So, I don’t have a thoughtful announcement and I don’t feel like scanning in fuzzy, hard to interpret ultrasound pictures at the moment, particularly the weird one with little white lines among other little white lines that are labeled “LABIA” in cap locks. Yes, it has been confirmed that we are having a girl. Gender balance will be restored in this family and, hell, if you count the dog, the ladies will actually be ahead. Not that any of that matters. Really. I was surprised how ok I would have been with either outcome but I think this will be great. A new adventure for sure. In more important news, the ultrasound went well and all of the measurements, etc. were right on. So, no baby worries for the moment. Now if I could just get someone else to take care of this holiday crap, I’d be all set.

Also, we are clueless about names at this point. We have months to decide but if anyone wants to offer suggestions (except maybe you, BC) I am open.

17 weeks

I had another appointment with the midwife today that went much better than the last. Wait, did I even mention the last? Probably not. Well, everything ended up fine but it was stressful and long and not so fun. So, this was an improvement for sure. Size is good. Heart rate (baby’s) is good. We heard lots of kicking and movement. My blood pressure is remaining good. She is happy with my diet and exercise (I really have been trying). Unfortunately, we both have small reason to believe that I am starting to not process major sugar (read holiday desserts) very well so I need to cut that out. I have been pretty good but damn if I don’t get into baking this time of year. I actually like the baking itself more than the eating, but who am I kidding, I will never totally forgo homemade dessert completely if it’s in the house. Thankfully I don’t think I have to but I know that it’s nutritionally worthless and I can certainly be very conservative in that department through the spring. So, all is well and I am a bit relieved for another month. Next time we should find out gender. Woo hoo!

unfounded fear

When I was thinking about getting pregnant again I had a little anxiety about how long it might take (I am such a planner) but knew from previous experience that it would probably happen and was prepared to be patient, as I had to be the first time. Well, it took all of a couple weeks, which surprised the hell out of me. This scenario (slow the first time, fast the second) was one I had heard about from several friends but what I wasn’t prepared for was the worry. As soon as I found out I was overcome with a sense of low-level uncertainty and worry. Not about the future or our lives or the commitment, simply about the health and wellbeing of this possible new child. Since I hadn’t been particularly worried about anything with Henry I worried that my nervousness was a sigh that something was wrong. No matter what I did I couldn’t shake it.

I started to mention it to my doctor and then midwife and then a few friends even though I was feeling paranoid and crazy. I was told by all that it is common to worry more with the second and that women just know more about what could go wrong the second time. I found this somewhat comforting in that I wasn’t alone but I still don’t buy into the rationale. My first pregnancy went fine, medically, and aside from what I’ve read on blogs I can’t say that I know much more about what could go wrong this time. The first time I read far more books and knew more about tests and timing, etc. It just doesn’t make sense that I should be more concerned after having a normal pregnancy, normal birth, and normal child. I am wondering if in my case it has to do with the first child himself. I think that my capacity for love and attachment and the desire to protect are so much stronger since his arrival in my life. My first pregnancy was full of naïve hope and anticipation of a complete unknown. This time I know a bit more about what I’m getting into and I’m scared as hell to get attached to this one in the same way when I can’t be certain everything will be okay. The first ultrasound did wonders for me and knowing that things looked good and normal and as expected relieved the majority of my fears. But as the weeks pass, I am feeling the need for confirmation again. We will have just one more ultrasound in about a month to determine gender and hopefully by then I will be feeling movement and that will suffice as my confirmation from that point forward. I know that my fears are not rational and deep down I really do think everything is fine, I just wish I could shake the uncertainty and move forward a bit more relaxed.

headaches no more?

Here’s a random pregnancy health/symptom update. A bit boring but I think I may have made a new discovery. During my last pregnancy I got migraine type headaches once every few weeks or so for a few months. I figured that if I took it easier this time and was even more careful about sleep and eating I could avoid most of them. Unfortunately I have been having headaches of varying degrees of severity most days for at least a month. I haven’t been able to figure out food or activity or sleep connections at all. It really sucks. I had a good week a few weeks ago and attributed it mostly to acupuncture. I had another treatment the following week and the headaches returned so I didn’t know what to think. In an attempt to wrap up this thrilling tale, I will just say that I finally may have an answer. I had been taking a folic acid supplement and I ran out of it for almost a week- the good week. It isn’t a direct connection but I think something in the supplement is a trigger for me. I stopped taking them late last week and I have had five decent days in a row, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for the previous five days. So, we’ll see how this continues. I am hopeful and will keep a closer eye on everything I consume for a while. I guess bad things can show up where you least expect them.

such a boy

When I was pregnant with Henry, I wanted a girl. A number of people with supposed intuitive powers told me I was going to have a girl. The first shot of the 20-week ultrasound proved us all wrong with a clear “penis picture.” Those were the doctor’s exact words. When we found out, one of the intuitives went so far as to say that he would be a very feminine boy. It took me awhile to adjust to the idea of a boy but by the time he was born it hardly crossed my mind. These days, he’s quite emotionally sensitive and a good sharer but he loves to fly through he air and run into things. He is amazing at figuring out mechanical things and has great fine motor skills and dexterity. He loves to throw and kick and hit things with other things (golf clubs/balls for example). Really I don’t ascribe these traits and tendencies as boy traits. They are such stereotypes and I hesitate to draw much meaning from them. But, when he was singing his favorite song, “happy birthday to you,” a few mornings ago and spontaneously concluded it with a loud and excited “happy birthday to you monkey poop,” I could no longer deny that this kid is a boy through and through. Boys are definitely different than girls and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

the difference a day can make

I can hardly believe how decent I feel today after a day of miserable headaches that lasted most of the night, exhaustion and vomiting, all out of nowhere. I’ve had a sinus cold for a week or so and I’m not sure if I got another virus or if it was just a pregnancy fluke. It was the worst day in recent memory but unfortunately there have been a lot of pretty crappy ones lately. I hate to admit it but I’m just not a good pregnant person. If the last one is a predictor, I should start feeling better in a month or two. The headaches are the real killer. I find myself envying so many women and being annoyed at so many experts who talk about how easy the second trimester should be. I keep hoping a shift is just around the corner and I keep seeking help but the bottom line is that I just have no idea how I am going to feel any given day. It makes it hard as hell to plan and get work done and take care of Henry but I don’t seem to have much say in the matter. All I can do is appreciate the good days and keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it in the end and that I am never going to go through this again.

coming clean

When you have big news it seems like there are two (good) ways to blog it. First option is to post right away in "oh my god, I can’t believe this thing just happened" fashion. The second option is to think about it and post a clever/witty/funny/smart entry that reveals whatever the thing is in a clever/witty/funny/smart way. In this case I have opted for option number three, the not good option. That is, something happened and I meant to write about it right away but then as time slipped by and I became more distracted, tired, nervous, preoccupied, and completely unable to think of anything clever or funny, I simply quit posting. Now I just have to come out and say it and get back to writing about the many thoughts that have been bouncing around inside my slightly dull brain lately. In case you hadn’t guess what in the hell I am getting at by now, I am pregnant. Almost 14 weeks now. I hadn’t planned to keep it a secret but there you have it. We are happy for sure but I have not been feeling well. Thanks to my recent entry into my second trimester and some very good acupuncture last week, I have had a good few days and am just hoping to end all hope that the streak continues. More soon.