C is for crazy

I didn’t plan to take such an extended break but I never intent to take a break I guess. Days just pass and all of the things that seemed vaguely interesting in the moment fade and are reduced to one-line summaries of little interest or significance in my mind. I can say that the last few weeks or so haven’t been the best. I know I’ve started all recent posts with some general statement about the suckatude of work but it has gotten really bad lately, or, more likely, my ability to deal with it is pretty much nonexistent. I have to call Jason or my parents at least once a day and have them talk me down so I don’t call my boss and tell him to fuck off. Every project I have to complete is dragging on with more and more unexpected glitches. I have all day board meeting on Friday and Saturday that I am just dreading but when they are done I am stepping way back. The project I am working on at the moment, a narrated presentation on CD, is fraught with technical problems and annoyances that make me want to throw my computer out the window. I think I’m close to the end though. I really hope so. My trainee, who still ahs a long way to go, was selected for grand jury duty that lasts 28 days (mornings only, thank god), which is putting an additional strain on already limited resources and my sanity.

In completely different news, there was an unexpected and really unpleasant death in Jason’s family last week. I don’t feel like I should go into it and after a week of feeling overwhelmed by it I am ready not to dwell anymore. When I realized that I was coming down with a version of the stomach flu that Henry had the previous week, I was actually somewhat relieved to have a physical explanation for how crappy I was feeling. I seriously thought I was losing all perspective and ability to cope for a few days last week. Things really are much better except for work. The sun is out and life should be just swimming along.

Speaking of swimming, I started pregnant lady water aerobics a few weeks ago and am enjoying that. Unfortunately the
one bitchy lady from yoga also is in the class. Of all the possible pregnant women in Portland at the moment I am sad to have to look at her face 3 nights a week. I did discover that little miss I’m as pregnant as you and look how skinny I am is actually 2 full months behind me. Stupid and bitchy I guess.

I guess we’re really having a baby. Yesterday morning Jason sat up in bed and said, “how about Audrey?” I have no idea how I feel about the name but the fact is that he’s now in the game. The same thing happened with Henry. Jason didn’t have a lot to say about my name suggestions and had none of his own until a month or so out and he ended up picking Henry’s middle name (originally to be the first). Silly maybe, but it made things feel all the more real for me. In other random baby news, the little bugger flipped over (head up now) a few weeks ago and I have been feeling less comfortable since. The midwife has given me until next week to will her back to head down (through rest and relaxation primarily) before she takes matters into her own hands. I feel like it would all be a lot easier if I could get out from under the work crap but we’ll see. Maybe acupuncture this week will help out. In any case, I think it will ultimately work out fine.

Excepting the week of flu that included vomiting, diarrhea, fever, lethargy, grumpiness and way too much tv, Henry ahs been pretty awesome lately. He is so fun and curious and cute. I really want to spend more time with him and am working on making that happen within the next two weeks. There are days lately that I see him as he’s getting up with Jason and not again until he’s in bed and that just doesn’t work for either of us.

Since this is going nowhere in particular with any speed I think I will get back to work so I can take a nap and then get out with my sweet kidd-o in the sunshine. At least I broke the dry spell and hope to be back to some more regular (and coherent) posting in the near future.