In all of my free time (ha! mostly time with a kid on my boob that is) I have been thinking more about this low level frustration and fatigue in which taking care of kids all day seems to result. I have worked in stressful, hectic jobs for unpleasant people. I have traveled a fair amount for work (major sleep deprivation) and worked long hours with unpredictable people (large-scale public involvement on heated topics). But it just doesn’t compare. I think part of it is the current lack of predictability or schedule to, um, anything these days. Henry and I had a great morning with friends a couple of days ago while Mia slept well. She then woke up right when I needed to feed Henry and get him down for a nap and she didn’t go down again (for anything more than a cat nap) until 10 pm. Those 8 hours or so were really difficult. Yesterday she slept pretty much all day (woke to eat, of course) until 4pm and then was awake until midnight. She was, however, mostly calm and settled most of those hours. Today sleep has been hit or miss all morning. We have gotten this girl to sleep in no less than 10 ways during the last week. One might think that such flexibility was a good thing but it isn’t as if any one way works any time. We may have to (and usually do) try many options before one finally works. Henry does have a schedule of sorts but keeping him to in light of the little one is tough. His behavior and mood is completely unpredictable though. On that topic, I am also getting really sick of the fact that his practically every reply begins with no. Even the worst boss isn’t that bad.
I promised myself that the one thing I would do different with this baby is not to worry about how long it takes to get her to sleep or look overly anxiously to the next milestone. I know how fast time passes and I want to appreciate each moment as it happens. I think this is a good goal but I think that it may only be practical after this phase of cranky, sleepless infancy passes. I am trying to enjoy it as much as possible but I am not going to (or try not to) kick myself for wishing it would all pass a little quicker and that we could get over these long sleepless evenings.
I think I was going to conclude that maybe the biggest problem I have is that nothing either child does seems logical lately. I am not surprised but I think it’s still a big hurdle for me and my hyper-logical brain. I have stopped and started this post innumerable times over two days of crying, potty assistance, diaper changing, rocking, bouncing, feeding, cooking, playing, cleaning, etc. Basically, I have lost my train of thought and figure it’s best to end it while I’m ahead or at least not behind!
I will note that Jason got out of working today so I got to sleep in, or at least lay in bed a lot longer trying to get the baby to go back to sleep. More pleasant than the alternative either way. I am very glad to have him around for at least a day and feel like it really is the weekend! Now if I could just convince him to vacuum…
Labels: gripes, parenting