Friday, May 25, 2007

worn out

I don’t want to complain. Really. But if I don’t say how wiped out I am I will be skipping over this whole early phase of life with Mia. It isn’t just sleep deprivation either, although that’s certainly at play. It’s mental exhaustion and an overall fogginess that hits me toward the end of the day. I am finding myself retreating to bed as early as is reasonable to escape. This comes from the being constantly occupied with the needs of two other humans all day long. And boy are their needs at any given moment different from each other. Perhaps it’s also that so much of what they need is to eat and sleep. Henry requires a fair amount more than that, of course, but the challenges always seem to be around food and nap/bed time. I’m saying all of this and today was actually a good day, much better than they have been lately. Mia slept a lot and went down easy. Henry got a lot of my attention and we only had one time out I can remember. Jason got home at a reasonable time and we ate good food. Still though, I am wiped out and we are just hitting (or in the middle of) the cranky baby phase of the day that has been lasting consistently until 10pm leaving me no time whatsoever alone or with Jason before I crash. So, maybe I am complaining after all, I can’t really tell anymore. I don’t think this is really worth posting and I may not but I suppose it serves as a record of the addled mind of a mom with a baby and a toddler. Again, not sure it’s worth it even at that but that’s what I’ve got at the moment. For the record, I’m not depressed and life looks pretty decent, even right at this moment. If I really wanted to complain I would start in on how Jason is working all weekend (for my lame boss but that’s another story in and of itself) so I don’t see an end to the current stretch of me alone with the small people and that’s a lot of what this is all about.

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Blogger nonlineargirl said...

I read this and it scares me but not enough I think. I still want to have another even though I will not handle it with as much calm and good humor as you have. I will be crying and moping a lot, should I be so lucky as to be where you are now. (Just a reminder that even your complaints are so laid bak compared to how whiney others can and do get - you rok.)

By the way, Ada loves that little dino she borrowed from Henry and has been carrying it everywhere - sandbox, bath, grocery store. She's been talking about him too. We will visit again soon, maybe with lunch next time.

5/25/2007 11:17 PM  
Blogger Lynanne said...

Thank you for posting this. I didn't see it as complaining at all. One thing that I really appreciate is when people are honest on their blog. Having a new baby isn't all roses and puppies no matter how head over heels in love you are with the new bundle of joy. Motherhood has its very challenging moments. Sleep deprivation is one of them. By posting about it, you let others know they are not alone in how they feel. Especially if they are going through something similar right now (me!) :)

Sorry to hear that Jason has to work all weekend! Is he able to take time off to give you a break sometime next week? Can you recruit a friend to come over and help out for an hour or two so you can go to the grocery store (I promise not to steal your cart ;) )or just get out away from the kids for a while?

Good luck!

5/26/2007 9:30 AM  
Anonymous Kristi said...

Oh my. I certainly feel for you. It's soooooooo hard to have kids and have to do alot of it yourself. My kids are older now (19 and 17) but I remember what it was like. My (now) ex-husband played softball 5 nights a week so I was always alone. At least Jason is working and not playing while you're doing all the hard stuff. Don't beat yourself up over how you feel. It's valid, and you being honest about how it all feels will helps someone... get some rest and remind Jason that you can't take care of the kids unless you take care of you.

5/26/2007 6:07 PM  

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