sorely lacking inspiration (and air conditioning)

I swore that I wouldn’t write a post complaining about the weather but it has been too damn hot for too damn long. I simply can’t wake up to another morning in a house that has only cooled down to 82 degrees at 7 in the morning (after being open all night with fans galore strategically (theoretically) placed for maximum cooling). We don’t have air conditioning and have never felt we needed it (and have been holding out for vague and likely unfounded moralistic reasons) but last week I decided we should get a window unit for the shared bedroom for all of our sanity and comfort. Wouldn’t you know that every single major retailer in town has been sold out of all such air conditioners? So, we are suffering through and Henry is not sleeping well, which is making me a bit nuts. The worst part is that I am such a planner through and through that I could deal with the original forecasts but the cool weather just isn’t coming like “they” said it would and I don’t even know when/trust that an end is in sight.

Moving on. I have been musing about what I should be posting lately. Should in a very general sort of way that is. I don’t have any big agenda or rules for myself with regard to content, which is probably obvious. I keep thinking of post topics but feel like they have all be done recently. I am too lazy to link to an example but recent thoughts have included:

Things Henry won’t eat
Henry is now eating anything all the time
Henry’s new sleep habits are making me insane
Crazy, annoying things Henry has been doing lately
New words/phrases Henry is saying
Henry can count now
Henry knows colors now
Jason and I never spend enough time together
Damn it is hot out
Will I ever grow out of being annoyed by my mom?
The cutest thing in the world that Henry now does just like almost every other child his age does
Should I get pregnant/am I pregnant/do I want to be pregnant?

While these are all (or mostly) reasonable, relevant topics, I feel like I have read about each and every one on someone else’s blog recently. In and of itself, that isn’t keeping me from posting as well but lately I feel like my life is so textbook. Even the drama and ups and downs are pretty much the same ones everyone else is going through. That is the way with all of life I suppose, and blogging about it should make me feel connected to other people and create solidarity and commonality but at the moment it just all feels really uneventful and a bit boring. If you could look up 31-year-old, part-time employed, married white female with 2-year-old son, living in comfortable neighborhood in liberal city (that is way too fucking hot at the moment) in NW united states you would find everything you need to know abut my life. This is not a bad thing at all but I feel like in the absence of an insanely cute Henry anecdote or unexpected event I have little to work with at the moment. Perhaps it’s just the heat and if the lying bastards ever stop lying and it actually cools down around here I will come up with something more inspiring.

dude, where’s my car?

I am both embarrassed and simultaneously entertained that I just committed that title to words. Perhaps it’s the sleep deprivation. In any case, I recently looked back over my last half dozen posts or so and realized that I have been a major downer lately, with the exception of the recent birthday tales. No more I said. No more travel, no more craziness, no more woes or depressing rants for a while. And then the phone rang this morning at 5:50. I mumbled that no one is calling for me at 5:50 and made Jason get up. Henry of course popped up immediately. I could tell a few minutes into the conversation what was going on. Our (second, old, ratty) car had been found in a place other than where it was left last night. It was at my parent’s house as we had left it there a day ago to borrow their truck. A woman called with Jason’s checkbook in hand, which she had found in the street near two apparently stolen cars, one of which ended up being ours. Lame, very unprofessional car thieves took it “joy riding” and then ran it into a guy-wire on an electrical pole, the lights on (battery dead) with the windows rolled down, stereo rendered mangled and useless but present, with wires hanging from the steering column. Jason was able to deal with all of it and even made it to work almost on time. I think this is a testament to how much else we have going on right now. This is a pain but just not *that* important.

On the bright side, I discovered that we have a very low deductible for comprehensive and the stereo was on its last legs anyway. I think it will all be fixed without too much expense. No word on the hassle level yet though. Jason had a bunch of crap in the back that he’s glad wasn’t taken. I think we’re glad we got it back at all, and given that we did the damage could have been much worse. We’re pretty confident that identity and account information theft won’t be a problem either.

My regular babysitter came for the morning and I got a fair of work done, but damn it, I need a nap. So, I think that’s what I’ll do on this lovely July afternoon, take a nap and hope that we don’t get anymore phone calls before say 7:30 in the morning for a long time.

happy birthday baby

I didn’t do a great job of writing during Henry’s early months and first year for that matter. I managed to get a rambling birth story down over time but it was more for me than him. I wasn’t “into” blogs and a running Word document wasn’t terribly inspiring. I was able to start what I hope will become a tradition on his birthday of jotting a few thoughts down for him each year on the anniversary of that memorable day.

7/12/05
A year ago this hour I had just started to go into active labor. Tonight you had a tough time falling asleep so I rocked you in my arms and you fell asleep looking into my eyes. I cried and cried thinking about what an amazing year it has been and how every tough moment has been worth it. A year ago this house and our lives were focused on two people now we are three. I can’t imagine it any other way.

7/13/06
I just put you in bed, my big, wriggling, kicking, chatting, laughing, smiling boy. You still like to rock in my lap and ask to “baby rock” before bed most nights. Tonight we read a book about bunnies in love twice and then I sang your bedtime songs to you before I put you happily in your crib. I am sure that you are the only one in this world who will ever ask me to sing and I will be sad when you finally realize how off-key I am and don’t ask anymore. But I will also understand! I had intended to head straight for my computer to write you a note but I got a phone call and had to do some last minute work for a couple of hours first. That’s how our lives have been lately. Incredibly busy with most minutes of the day packed with activity. You are learning and growing and changing so fast I am constantly reminding myself to stop and breathe and take time to enjoy life with you. I put off the crazy work issues when I’m with you as much as I can and always try to focus on what’s most important in my life first, and that is you. Thank you for reminding me of that everyday. Happy birthday, Henry.

pausing to remember

I just got home from a very nice few hours of chatting and laughing with some awesome mamas and realized that pretty much exactly two years ago right now I went into labor for real. It was much warmer than it was tonight and my life was so very different. Just thinking about the excitement, intensity, and uncertainty of it all makes me fell a little unsettled. It was the beginning of the hardest 14 hours of my life and it all happened right here in this house, much of it in this office in fact. What a world away from the quiet calm of Henry sleeping in the next room at this moment. I am pausing to remember the amazing day my baby boy became a part of our lives on the outside, but just for a moment. Right now I am just as happy to remember how sweet he looked this evening sitting on Jason eating snacks and telling us his little stories interspersed with laughter. I can hardly believe how far we have come in two years and at the end of the day I am so proud of us all.

7/13/04, 10 hours old

on the edge

We survived The North Dakota Experience™ fairly well with a few highs and lows, none of which were too extreme. Henry is an amazing traveler but having tons of people around to entertain him didn’t hurt. We have been back home since Tuesday and Jason’s parents are still staying with us. This is ok. They are nice and looove Henry. The problem is that I haven’t had any time to myself in almost 2 weeks. Work has been insane all week in a very heavy-conflict, dealing with an egomaniacal asshole sort or way. It has been very out of the ordinary and I am taking things too seriously and personally (maybe) and I want to cry a lot. I am having my period complete with a sleepless night full of cramps. I am trying to balance all of this with getting ready for Henry’s birthday party tomorrow. Pasta is probably boiling over now (actually it didn’t boil over, it became spontaneously, grossly over-cooked). Henry has been sleeping weird but is back to eating constantly. The down side is that he is demanding food that we don’t have in the house and isn’t much interested in substitutes. Too bad for him. He is also crazy clingy (UP! Mama!) this morning but once he’s up he just whines and doesn’t know what he wants. Most unfortunately, he has decided that it would be a good idea to touch dog poo the last couple of days. Previously he pointed out and shunned it as taught, so it was much to my surprise that he just came in with his grandma following another poo touching incident. It’s like these people (the grandparents) are making it happen and somehow my mother-in-law got caught up in it this last time and has now been in the basement for 10 minutes scrubbing shoes. I just fielded another call on the work conflict and resolution may be closer but I am too drained to care (almost).

Really, it is beautiful outside. Things are all ok over all and I know this will pass but I can’t pull myself out of this shitty state. I have calls into my intuitive friend and neurobiologist, Sufi, naturopath. Perhaps one of them can shed some light and lend a hand. Otherwise, I may be curled up in bed by noon. Doubtful though. As always, I will suck it up and do what has to be done. I just wish for once I didn’t have to.

travel notes

Things I have learned in my first two days (ever) in North Dakota, mostly food related:

Large parts of this state are very bare and uninhabited but quite pretty and serene.

It may not be advisable to ask the first shirtless, sweaty, panting guy at the side of the highway exit for a restaurant recommendation. Then again, maybe that was the best restaurant in town.

Every small town restaurant we have encountered offers a minimum of seven potato choices with your meal (for example: fries, curly fries, American fries (?), baked, mashed, home fries, tots, gems (again ?), hash browns (always-any time of day!), chips, natural chips (those were ok). Of all possible choices do not order the mashed. They are the only ones that can be fake. We learned that the hard way.

“hot dish” really does exist and I am surprised how frequently it is eaten/discussed. It seems to be eaten regularly even in hot weather when it is way too hot to bake.

Hot dish can include tater tots.

Coleslaw should never, ever, be sweet. I am guessing this happens when one mixes cabbage with miracle whip and sugar. That should never happen.

Dessert seems to be mandatory.

Our hotel has free internet access and I am currently propped in bed with Jason’s dad’s computer and a bad action movie including Sandra Bullock on a life boat in the background. Henry is eating cold cereal across the street with his grandparents, great grandparents and various relatives at the great grandparents’ apartment. The bed is terrible but otherwise things are as they should be. I am just hoping we can find some food that hasn’t been fried or covered in mayonnaise. Really hoping. More soon, although I think I have figured this mid-western in-law vacation deal out.