the same

So much illness. So little sleep. The kids went to the doctor and probably don't have anything warranting antibiotics but we're not sure. We'll wait it out for a few days but, God, I really don't think I can do another night like last night, or the previous 7 for that matter. I have also been dealing with our fucking work email not working all day and 12 emails w/tech support who are clearly fucking incompetent in this matter. Now they want info from the office, which they don't actually need and aren't going to get over the weekend. If this isn't fixed fast we may be looking at a provider switch and, man, I don't want to deal with that as much as I don't want to deal with this tech support. I need to get kids out of the bath now who are calling for me like sad cats, sad and whiny cats with laryngitis.

trudging on

Only a couple of days in and I already missed a day. I remembered it last night laying in bed with a sick Mia who had finally given up kicking and screaming and was sleeping holding two of my fingers in her warm little hand. I couldn't and didn't dare pull myself away. It has been a hell of a few days of sick kids and very little sleep. Mia has been a demon all night, kicking and screaming and fighting in between little naps of an hour or less. I feel more delirious and crazy than I did with newborns, mostly I suppose because it is so unexpected. She seems better tonight but Henry is coughing so hard he can hardly breathe so I have little hope of a decent night. So it goes. More soon when sleep and a little sanity return.

a different day

Last night I was feeling sort of ho hum when I posted and then a couple hours later got an email from my nanny (and friend) that she needs to change her life and quit working for us. I got all wrapped up in planning for the change and stayed up way too late over-thinking everything before we even had a chance to talk. Then I got annoyed at Jason for falling asleep on the couch and went off to bed. I am usually asleep before 11 but the hours passed by and I got up to take Henry to the bathroom around 1. It was almost 2 am as I was about to fall asleep and then Mia started screaming and didn't really stop. She was super hot and inconsolable and thought she was going to throw up. I ended up "sleeping" with her for the rest of the night, getting kicked and yelled at every hour, and waking up at 5:30 when Henry did. We didn't have the nanny come over and I did get a nap with Mia this morning but needless to say I am a complete wreck and got very little work done. Amazingly I did cook several things from scratch for dinner and half cleaned the kitchen. That's about all I can claim for the day. I am off to pass out now and desperately hope that I won't be beckoned before 6 am. Knock on wood. I hear Henry coughing a bit now so my hopes may be dashed but I have learned not to worry about that for now at least.

goodbye, dark days

February was a long short month. We had some lovely, sunny and warmish days so I can hardly complain about the usual grey and cold but still, it is winter. I haven't been out much, socially that is, and I've been holed up trying to get things organized, including our finances and closets. The kids just had low level colds and have been crabby as hell. I can't help but notice around school and online how many people I know are making trips to Hawaii, Mexico, South America. Some day I vow to have the time, foresight and money for a tropical vacation in the middle of winter myself. My hormones have been a train wreck for no good reason but I think I'm finally on the other side of that so things may be looking up from my perspective, which is probably the most influential one in this little house in the end. Work is drudgerous even though I have it really, really easy all things considered. Spring, I need you. The lovely crocus and daffodils in our yard certainly help. Henry was starting to drift off to sleep the other night and asked when the tarragon would be back (the kid is a fanatic for it straight off the bush) and it was so nice to show him the next morning how it is poking through the ground, sprawling across the bits of previous years' old growth. If I can only keep the kids from demolishing it leaf by leaf before it gets big and strong that will be a feat. So, very little things here to start but maybe with the status quo out of the way I can move forward with more interest, fun and introspection. Well, maybe not so much introspection. I think there's been plenty of that to go around, I'm just not writing it down.