bad times

Bedtime makes me want to kick a hole in something, eat a chocolate cake, and take drugs, not necessarily in that order. Almost every night. Seriously, we have to be doing something wrong here. This cannot be normal. It cannot be this hard for most children to fall asleep without screaming, whining, crying, demanding, begging and fighting to name a few. I'm sure it won't last but I have no idea what to do to get us through. My crying babies were frustrating but they never made me angry. This business with an almost-3-year-old and 5-and-a-half year old, it makes me angry.

the awesomeness of playing restaurant

This is pretty much verbatim from tonight's ongoing restaurant play. I got Jason to tape the couple of minutes that follow this, which I should probably transcribe as well, before Henry caught him and got annoyed. I have no idea where some of these things come from. None whatsoever. It's amazing how serious they both are about their roles and the tone of the whole thing. Henry plays a diligent if not somewhat brusque waiter/chef/restaurant owner. I just heard Mia say, "I have to go pee. Where's the bathroom?"

h: What would you like?
m: Fish and chips.
h: We have fish but we don't have french fries
m: You don't have french fries for dinner?
h: No.
m: Okay.
h: So, what would you like? The fish combo?
m: Yeah, the fish combo.
me from the other room: what's in the fish combo?
(silence)
h: What would you like for your baby? The baby bottles are free.
m: Yeah, she wants milk.
(much clanging of pots and pans and shuffeling between the table and kitchen is going on the whole time)
h: Okay so is that all you want?
(Mia is also pretending to read the menu while holding her baby)
m: Um, yeah. I want fish and chips.
h: I already told you we don't have that. Just the fish.
h: So are you wanting the baby meal to come first or the adult meal? The baby first? The adult one first?
m: Um, okay.
h: Oh, yeah, I just want to remind you that the fish combo has lemon juice in it. So, it's kind of strong.
m: Lemon juice?
h: Yes.

...Apparently our guest now has a birthday party coming soon and they want chicken but the restaurant doesn't have chicken...the story continues...it's her cousin's birthday and she's turning 2 and a half...

year in review

Well, this isn't really a review but some year-end-analysis-type-thoughts have been kicking around my brain for the last few days. It was a hard year. There was a lot of illness (like J was sick for 9-months and is still not quite over it) and Henry started a new school with many bumps along the way. I have had extra responsibilities at work and don't feel like I have been holding up super well. It was also a good year. Despite the rough patches and lack of sleep (still!!), we got a lot done and had some fun too. We did home improvements, including garden boxes on the side of the house for more food growing and completely re-working our old office to move the kids into it, took more trips than usual, had more visitors than usual, cooked a lot and amassed some lovely memories with our amazing kids.

I was feeling really good and optimistic when I meant to write this last week but going back to work and school today, after a rough, anxious night's sleep, really smacked me down. Things are super hectic at work and all I really want to do is sleep. Really, I am fine (this is my mantra, right?) and having a moment of adjustment here but taking so much unscheduled time off over the last couple of weeks did less to rejuvenate me and more to make me question what in the hell I think I am doing with my life. Taking care of kids and a house day in and out is hard for sure but I get it. I can do it. I'm pretty good at it. Throwing the constant call of work responsibilities and multi-tasking and imminent deadlines on top of it just sucks right now. I don't feel like I'm cut out for it. At least not doing all of it well and no matter how much I plan I simply can't devote the time and attention to food, the house and my family that I really want to. And that, may or may not be something I can change. I have these stuck moments every once in awhile (probably mostly in the winter but not every year by any means) and it's always a curious thing, deciding whether I am going to change my life or simply my outlook and if either is really possible.

it's complicated

Life is so hard to sort out for little kids (and their parents) these days. We have the age old question floating around the house about how are babies made, where does wind come from (?!), when will I die, and do people live on other planets. Add to that issues about the disparity between real and fictionalized dinosaurs, pirates, and princesses, with a seasonal dose of Santa, flying reindeer and elves who make presents. Don't even get me started on the elves, gnomes and fairies that inhabit the Waldorf kindergartner's kingdom. I can hardly keep it all straight and I refuse to lie, opting for a lot of shrugging and, "I don't know. What do you think?" I don't really have a point here but I did get a kick out of Henry and Mia's play the other day in which Henry made her pay a fee of a hacky sack in a measuring cup to board his spaceship bound for mars with her babies. Shortly thereafter they told us they were, "Christmas pirates sailing the sea, visiting other pirate ships, to give them treats you can eat. And weapons."

questionable

In the car today we drove by a Mexican mercantile type store with a clothing display in the window. Out of nowhere:

Mia starts yelling and cackling: boobs! boobs! boobs!
Henry: what is she talking about?
Me: I don't know what's she's talking about.
Mia: I'm talkin' about boobs! boobs! boobs!

And she was. There was no possible way to keep myself from laughing. In all fairness they were pretty scantily clad mannequins. And this isn't coming from some cute little kid who is learning to talk and pointing out embarrassing things. She knows how to talk quite well and generally be appropriate in public, except when she isn't.

day 30

I have to say that 30 days of posting wasn't too tough his year but I don't feel like I turned out much of interest either. I suppose that's what a month of hectic work, two kids and several illnesses will give me. On the up side, I am feeling much more like keeping up some occasional posting instead of retreating for the hills like I have in the past. More frequent updates on whatever. I actually have a plan for a couple of regular topic-driven series of entries but I won't make any promises until I can get that started. So, I am starting yet another very busy month at work and looking forward to some time off after that. Jason's parents will be here (not staying in our little house!) for almost 2 weeks around Christmas, which is a first that will hopefully pan out well. I always say I will keep things small and easy for the holidays but already have running lists of crafts, projects and gifts, as well as home improvement projects. I'll do what I can to keep up.

tree hunting

I couldn't have asked for a lovelier day (clear, blue sky and warm) to drive up toward Mt. Hood (or, Mountain Hood, as Mia calls it) and pick out a Christmas tree from the same family we have been visiting there for years. I also couldn't have asked for less cooperative children when it came to standing still and maybe, possibly considering a smile, and certainly not while both in the same photo, oh, no. Even with a lack of documented proof, it was a lovely outing. Decorating went pretty well also and I was particularly happy to find that Henry is much less of an ornament clumper this year.