Friday, November 21, 2008

fine line

I find that for myself there is a delicate balance between being excited about my children's accomplishments and reaching of milestones and pushing them or rushing them just because we can. I think we are really careful about the big things but when my kids are in groups with others I can't help but notice when they excel.

Hmm...I think this is going in a different direction all together. I don't think the issue is really about pushing them, in fact I think I step back and let them fail or succeed on their own far more than is normal. We may have pushed Henry more when he was really young because we were so damned excited to see what he could do but really, we give them a ton of freedom and do what we can to make them feel confident in themselves and not try to impress us.

I think the real issue is that I feel guilty for feeling proud of my kids. Some part of me doesn't want to think the are insanely amazing because that means I think they are better than other kids. But I do think they are better than other kids. I think they are the most amazing kids in the whole world. And I think that has to be okay. I am afraid other parents will bristle at that but I'm not some sort of egomaniac. I do have perspective of some sort as is evidenced by my perhaps painful mental meandering right here. Clearly I don't actually believe that my kids deserve any more in life than anyone else but to me they are perfect. And I actually wish/hope that everyone felt that way about their kids. I know I wish my parents felt that way. Maybe they do but I have no idea and that's one think I plan to do differently with mine.

In short, my kids are no better than anyone else's and I will try never to let them feel superior to anyone on this planet. But, I will love them unconditionally always and do my darnedest to make sure they know it. And when I feel overwhelming pride and amazement in their presence I will not push it aside but let it be. Life can be so difficult sometimes that it's ridiculous to feel bad for feeling good.