processing

See? If I don't have a self-imposed rule in place I just don't write here. Also, things have been good lately, fine. As should be obvious, I tend to write more while I'm going through things. Actually, that might not be obvious. I have no real sense of a cohesive whole here. Just bits and pieces of days, thoughts, stories, working out issues. Complaining I guess. That's something I have always done in abundance but felt slightly bad about but not been able to stop. Maybe it's who I am and I just need to suck it up and accept that I am a complainer. But, I don't have a whole lot to complain about at the moment. Or, at least I didn't until last night.

I simply can't get into it here now but I will say that when my sister left all fo us behind 6 years ago I am certian she did the right thing. I have come to some realizations about my relationship with my parents that I don't think will ever change. I'm sure lots of people have family issues but mine are currently complicated by the fact that my mom comes to my house twice a week to take care of the kids, which makes getting some distance more complicated. I think I am moments from sending her an email (after last night's conversation there's no way I can be civil right now) canceling our childcare arrangement. I don't have a fallback in place and working less (for me or Jason) is not an option. My job can be flexible and my boss is understanding and I am going to play things by ear for a bit, but still, this is scary. It sucks emotionally and financially but it has to be done. So, in process indeed. We'll see how the cards fall...