Thursday, May 11, 2006

mulling it all over

I’m sitting at my desk when I should be sleeping (never knowing when I will have to wake up SUCKS) and feeling like a sell out. A sell out from what you ask. Well, fuck. That’s the problem right there. I haven’t sold out from anything. I never had it. I worked all day at a job I have little interest in (with ok benefits and major flexibility and good money considering how much I slack) and took on a couple of freelance projects that I have less than zero interest in (decent people, not too hard and that damn money thing again). And finally, I just finished up a hideous graphic design job that I wouldn’t put my name on for a million bucks (very sweet client/friend, again not to hard and minimally enjoyable except for the outcome). Spending full days with Henry this week has been fun but I know that I need more creative/thinking outlets and the money. I swear that if I knew what I wanted to do with my life I would do it. Whatever it takes. Don’t get me wrong, life is good. Really good for the most part. I am super lucky in so many ways and I know and appreciate it. I just don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and last time I checked grown up is here! Right now! And it’s like I just showed up for the job naked and I didn't even study the material. Fuck.


Blogger HeatherJ said...

Are you inside my brain? I am frustrated with my job, but I need the money, want to do something else, but I like my benefits. What to do?

It was great to meet you the other night hopefully we will get together again and we can discuss what we want to be when we grow up, or at least figure something out by the time our kids are grown up.

5/12/2006 11:55 PM  

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