mulling it all over

I’m sitting at my desk when I should be sleeping (never knowing when I will have to wake up SUCKS) and feeling like a sell out. A sell out from what you ask. Well, fuck. That’s the problem right there. I haven’t sold out from anything. I never had it. I worked all day at a job I have little interest in (with ok benefits and major flexibility and good money considering how much I slack) and took on a couple of freelance projects that I have less than zero interest in (decent people, not too hard and that damn money thing again). And finally, I just finished up a hideous graphic design job that I wouldn’t put my name on for a million bucks (very sweet client/friend, again not to hard and minimally enjoyable except for the outcome). Spending full days with Henry this week has been fun but I know that I need more creative/thinking outlets and the money. I swear that if I knew what I wanted to do with my life I would do it. Whatever it takes. Don’t get me wrong, life is good. Really good for the most part. I am super lucky in so many ways and I know and appreciate it. I just don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and last time I checked grown up is here! Right now! And it’s like I just showed up for the job naked and I didn't even study the material. Fuck.