Saturday, April 01, 2006

on doing it all again

There have been a number of discussions and swirling thoughts in our house about trying to have another child. A few weeks ago when Jason and I had the night to ourselves, we talked for the first time about whether we really wanted to do it all again. We have been assuming yes but never really discussed the possibility of just staying a family of three. Overall we decided that yes, we do want to try to get pregnant again in the not too far future.

There will be major changes and I didn’t really love pregnancy and the sleeplessness and who knows what it will mean for work and income and savings and there could be complications, and, and, and… Then a few mornings ago after Henry crawled into bed with us around 6am, I had another thought. Are we tempting fate here? This kid of ours is so sweet and special and as he lay there patting me on the arm and singing a little song and kissing our cheeks and playing with his stuffed dog, I felt like maybe we are insane to think about having another child. Of course I imagine we could have another wonderful child but do we deserve it? Are we pushing our luck?

Fast forward a few days, after Henry has woken up repeatedly at night, refused to eat decent food, dumped his water over his dinner, thrown gravel at the windows, and yelled “no, no, no!” and “please, please, please! (sounds like “bees”)” and “gaaaaahhhhhh” at me more times than I can count. I am now thinking alternately, am I insane to want another kid, and, hell, we can certainly do better than this!

So, even with all of the talk and musing, I know that this is something I want. Really want. And then this morning after a particularly sweet, long cuddle session with Henry, as Jason continued to sleep next to us, Jason slowly woke up and said, his face obscured by blankets and stuffed animals, “I have been thinking about it more and I’ve decided I really don’t want any more kids.” I was sort of sleepy and dumbfounded and said, “really, are you serious?” “Yes,” came the reply. “You mean it, seriously?” “Yep.” Pause. Then, “April fools!” And I all can say to that is that he really did get me.



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